May. 6th, 2009


Life for me has sucked for the past couple of months. Lost my job at the coffee shop (neither myself nor management were at fault, it was just a random circumstance that put everyone in a bad position). Would have gone job hunting immediately, only I injured my back at the same time and ended up bedridden for a week and a half. I landed practically the first job I applied to, but the catch was that it was a waitress job at the Waffle House.

I am not cut out for waiting tables.

A few of you on my FList probably already know this, but I have both bipolar disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. Working at the Waffle House was so stressful that by the end of my first week, I was having at least one (if not two or three) panic attacks a day even on my off days, I had fallen behind in class, and I was losing even more sleep than usual. It got to the point where my doctor eventually had to add yet another prescription to my already robust pharmacy and advised me to pull out of school for the rest of the semester and quit the Waffle House.

So, now I'm jobless and out of school. You'd think that it would have cut down on my stress levels, but no. I'm running out of money I earned waitressing, I'm either under- or overqualified for just about every job in the city and since summer's coming up I'll have to compete with high school kids for retail and food service positions, I haven't been able to work on my portfolios at all and I just generally feel like a failure.

God damn it, I was supposed to graduate this semester!

Anyone have any stress management techniques they can share with me? I would greatly appreciate it. (In b4 "DRINK MOAR!")

Aug. 10th, 2008

72 hours sans sleep. Insomnia sucks. Contemplating finishing off the wine from July 4th celebration in order to pass out.

...Nah. Probably not any healthier that way than staying up. Maybe I'll get to pass out soon.

I start back to work tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it; I also start school back next Monday, and I'm not looking forward to that. Fucking math, it's the only thing keeping me from my God damn diploma.

In the next couple of weeks, I'm getting a few more holes in my head--a second set of lobe piercings and an industrial. I've wanted a second lobe piercing since I got my first set of holes at age eight, and even had my left ear done in high school while on vacation out of state (in Florida, apparently the minimum age to get piercings done without parental consent was like...16, or something; too bad the facilities were nasty and I ended up constantly getting infections, I ended up having to just take the earring out and let it heal over). But, I just wasn't able to do it before. I know I shouldn't be spending money on something most people would find useless, but for me, body modification brings me closer to turning my own body into the work of art that I feel it should be.

I am holding off on that tattoo, though. Not until after graduation, when I'll have a steadier paycheck and schedule and can afford three to five consecutive sessions.